A Poem #3
Tonight I present another poem titled, "A Poem #3"
By Cam Noir
There was a time when I wanted to die.
Every now and then those feelings appear and coincide with an event past or present.
I wanted to die because my father kept making discouraging comments about me.
I wanted to die because a kid called me fat, and my father of no comfort was already making comments about my appearance.
I wanted to die because my father yelled at me.
I wanted to die because he was rude to me.
There was a time when I wished for my father to die.
Because him being gone at any moment is more safe than when he is near.
Because when he is here I feel nothing but fear.
But now that he is older and is obviously enduring health difficulties.
I now have to anticipate a new reality.
One where my problem is gone but the impact is not.
One where I may have to witness my mother grieve.
One where family and friends come and speak about how wonderful he was.
But that was never true. Never ever.
A reality where my father still refuses to own up, but also doesn't remember his words and actions.
My father was a disturbed man, a hurt man, a runt.
My father was an unpredictable man, a hurtful man, a pain.
My father was a difficult man, a fickle man, who constantly poured rain.
He was not a parent, not a father, not a man.
A parent apologizes, reflects, hugs, and doesn't forget.
A parent is there, cares, plays, and stays.
A parent knows their responsibility and doesn't run when called out.
A parent loves their significant other, and refuses to shout.
A parent works on themself before they can call themselves as such.
A parent refuses to verbally and to physically harm, do we ask too much?
A parent prioritizes safety as much as possible.
A parent minimizes negative strain, and doesn't just pout.
A parent is not a kid, or a deflecting, unavailable, poorly patched spout.
A parent's love is constant, come what may.
A parent strives to be steady, like the Earth, beneath,
Yet still knows when to bend, when to grieve, when to breathe.
So, be the parent who finds light in the darkest of days.
Be the parent who learns from mistakes, and doesn't shy away.
Be the parent who teaches through actions, not just words, hopes, and dreams.
A parent who listens with patience, even when silence screams.
Don't let yourself get older, with children, who despise a version of you that they remember.
Find the light, grab the faith, and please, oh please, let it guide you.
Sincerely,
Cam Noir
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